Theme of the week
There seems to have been a theme running throughout our discussions with others this week. The theme is about the difficulty that men sometimes have in expressing their emotions, and the different ways that emotions surface in men and women.
Anxiety or Anger?
One woman noticed that when she and her partner both felt under pressure due to the circumstances they were under, she would often become anxious whereas he would become angry.
In another situation, a woman could see that her son was struggling, but was unable to talk about the things that were bothering him. She wanted techniques which might help her son to express his emotions.
Men want to fix it – not to talk about it.
Quite often, talking about the issue will help in some way to resolve it. But many men feel that “action is required” and are naturally suspicious about the value of simply “talking about stuff”. We know that there are situations (military Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) being a prime example) where men naturally feel that they do not to want talk about their experiences at all. They believe that to talk about the difficult stuff is going to do nothing to help and will probably make them feel even worse. This attitude is sometimes absolutely correct. Talking on its own can definitely make things worse. What is needed is an approach which provides practical techniques and insights which will help in “fixing the problem”.
Talk about innate needs – not emotions.
For this reason we think a really good way to approach this problem is to start by looking at innate needs. This is much less threatening, far more practical and much more likely to engage people who might otherwise simply choose to switch their attention to something else.
Different people need different approaches. Simply insisting that “it’s good to talk” is too simplistic and people who feel cornered by this will resist your good intentions. The best question in the world is: “What do you need right now?” – (but only if you are prepared to accept and act on the reply!)
Contact us if you would prefer to focus on finding practical explanations, techniques and solutions to the challenges you currently face. Of course we do need to talk to you to be able to be useful to you – but we will not need you to go through all the painful stuff – in fact we will help you get to a place where all that can be left where it belongs – in the past.